8 tips for Love in the Conscious Relationship
By Michael de Glanville & Viola Edward
- Beyond the Arrow of Eros
We have many types of relationship in our lives and here we are choosing to look at what is perhaps the most challenging of them all, the long term, loving, sexual relationship. Building a successful loving relationship out of the chaos of the instinctive, hectic, passions of falling in love will never be a one night happening. Beyond the arrow strike of Eros, the evolution of the loving relationship is a steady task that will depend on commitment to love, effective communication and a healthy sexuality. The relationship will grow more easily if we hold a number of core values in common, share some interests and hobbies and be able to agree on a fair distribution of the duties of living together. The paradox is that some of the ways we choose to live our love can also produce quite painful experiences.
- Focus on the Journey.
Wherever we are in our life story, wether we are looking for a new relationship or already involved in a good or not so good one, working to create that conscious loving relationship will be a voyage of discovery where the journey itself is the focus rather than arrival at the destination. Living a loving relationship through the day to day happenings and surprises that life produces can be likened to continuous participation in a workshop of personal development and the results we are hoping for will materialise as we develop our awareness and become conscious of what nourishes strong relationship.
- Loves springs eternel.
True love flows effortlessly from a being who appreciates and is in peace with their inner self. Your capacity to love another is based upon your ability to love and cherish the person you are. The love comes from that home store. That capability will be the foundation of the structure of all your relationships. Loving yourself, appreciating who you are, will help develop the inner self confidence which is the core to being yourself. It takes courage to be true to yourself rather than hoping to deserve love by conforming to a stereotype of goodness, taken on from exterior conditioning. Appreciating and being true to your self, without the need to play any camouflage personality, will attract those other beings who really appreciate the one you are deep down inside and that natural compatibility will provide the depth that nourishes lasting conscious relationship. Relationships have less surprises waiting in the wings when both partners have been confidently being themselves from the first meeting.
- Confidence building.
To develop this self appreciation, we need to create, for ourselves, a truthfull picture of our personal strengths and weaknesses. We can then grow into and develop those confidence building strengths and, by forgiving ourselves the weaknesses, break with the underlying, limiting, beliefs which have created them. This is a challenging journey which will be made easier with the help of a professional therapist or relationship coach.
- Learn of love from experience.
Stemming from our group based origins, we sometimes carry a fear to be alone. This can lead to hanging on to miserable, energy draining, relationships rather than setting off, solo, into the unknown. Experiment with being yourself, dare to learn the language of love from personal experience, discover your needs and abilities and develop the capability to give and take..and create the good relatiosnhip with yourself that makes it so much easier to relate to other.
- Choosing to make love
We love because we are attracted by what we perceive and here we are not only talking about love in terms of passion and physical desire. The caring actions of giving love fill us with pleasure and contentment. These are moments when we place our partner’s joy and contentment high on our list of priorities and this must not be at the cost of abandoning ourselves. We choose to love the other to help them to grow and to build the needed self confidence to be true to themselves. There is no underlying motive, the love is not given in exchange for some expected return, but simply because to do so creates in us an inner joy and happiness. The passion and desire that are the elements of sexual intercourse are the products of loving, giving spirits engaged in pleasuring the other. This is the “making” of love. Love grows strongly when we are focussed on its giving, as flowers will grow to great beauty when they receive water and appreciation every day. The converse is also true. The moment that we begin to focus on what we feel is wrong or dissappointing about our partner is the moment that those characteristics will begin to grow disproportionally important in our minds.
- Assume responsibility.
The will to change comes from within. You cannot hope to change your partner’s negative behaviour patterns by complaining and scolding them, though in our humanity, sometimes that behaviour is inevitable. Rather, be concerned with developing loving presence toward yourself and becoming aware of your needs and your negative patterns. Work to understand where they have come from and let them go. Assume responsibility for transforming your own behaviour patterns. Modelling the behaviour, walking the talk, can help your partner bring consciousness of their habits to the surface and help both of you to develop other, more positive, behaviour. By assuming responsibility for their own behaviour and its contribution to the conflicts and disagreements, each of the partners can contribute to the growth and the harmony of the conscious relationship.
- Ask for help.
In a way, all of us are involved in this subject of Relationship. Some are working to improve thier relationship, some are looking for a new love relationship, some are deciding if they stay or if they leave the relationship, some are trying to get out of their relationship and some others are working to get over the last relationship, to be open to the next one.. In all these cases, it is possible to include conscioussness, hope and meaning. You can also consult a relationship coach or specialised psychotherapist to work the process together, helping you to be more centered, fair and efficient. Often this will create a less painfull process.
Inhale- Exhale – Be Present – Accept what is – Love from the heart.